Comedian Josh Gondelman’s 24-Hour Google Diary

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Ah, the Web, recipient of our queries, our secrets and techniques, our needs, our fears. If anybody is aware of why we’re the way in which we’re, it’s Google, which is why we requested the comic Josh Gondelman, a author and producer on Desus & Mero and a person in possession of an iron will (“I managed to go an entire day with out Googling my very own title”), to file all the things he looked for throughout a chilly, cooped-up 24-hour interval (earlier than the unfold of COVID-19, it bears mentioning) within the doldrums of winter. Not the issues he wished he’d Googled, however what he really did. Right here’s what he turned up.

Tuesday, February 25, 10:56 p.m.

joe biden hair plugs

By the tenth Democratic main debate, I used to be fairly exhausted, so I abdicated my civic responsibility to look at the Boston Celtics play the Portland Path Blazers. Nonetheless, I used to be following together with the motion on Twitter, and once I noticed that Joe Biden stated the most important false impression about him is, quote, “I’ve extra hair than I feel I do,” my first thought was Did Joe Biden overlook that he has hair plugs? Then, to verify I wasn’t misremembering Biden’s elective hair-restoration surgical procedure, I searched “joe biden hair plugs” and was vindicated.

Tuesday, 11:04 p.m.

54 beneath calendar

Scrolling via Instagram, I noticed that my buddy Natalie could be performing a present at 54 Beneath in midtown. Within the time it took me to lookup whether or not I used to be free on the evening of the present, my app refreshed and I misplaced the hyperlink she had posted and needed to seek for the membership’s calendar.

Wednesday, February 26, 9:42 a.m.

youtube tonight present bts

On my practice to the workplace, I remembered a dialogue with a coworker the day earlier than about how massive a worldwide phenomenon the Okay-pop band BTS is, so I appeared up the views for his or her efficiency on Monday evening’s Tonight Present. That is what the Web is finest for, for my part: successful petty arguments. Then, for enjoyable, I watched the video and was struck by how good BTS’s choreography is and the way massive Grand Central Terminal (the place the efficiency was filmed) appears to be like when it’s not filled with 10 million folks all inexplicably attempting to go to Connecticut.

Wednesday, time unknown

shit is fucked up and bullshit

That is, clearly, a truth. But in addition it’s the title of the brand new e-book by Malcolm Harris. I needed to purchase it, however ideally not from Amazon, so I discovered its web page on the writer’s web site, ordered it, after which ordered his first e-book from Powell’s in Portland, which I had been which means to do after which forgot.

Wednesday, time unknown

why does kelsey grammer sound british

It’s simply that mid-Atlantic accent that actors use to sound fancy.

Wednesday, 8:28 p.m.

pink lobster lobsterfest

Noticed an advert for Pink Lobster. Googled Lobsterfest. In some ways, I’m a reasonably easy animal.

Wednesday, 10:45 p.m.

joel embiid damage

Simply earlier than mattress, I checked in on my fantasy basketball staff and seen that Philadelphia 76ers star Joel Embiid had performed solely eight minutes, so I checked to see if he was harm. He’s anticipated to be out for per week or two, and I’d prefer to take this house to say: Get properly quickly, massive man!

This text seems within the April/Could difficulty of Esquire. Subscribe

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